What About Love?

Are BDSM relationships all about Dominance/submission, humiliation and pain? Or can actual love exist in the relationship?

Too often, people envision the D/s relationship as weird, perverted or deviant. But what actions develop the emotion of love? Open and honest communication, trust and vulnerability and the sharing of deep emotions.

Within a BDSM relationship, communication and trust are paramount. Each communicate their needs, wants, and fantasies. Each clarifies what they want based on the other’s questions about it. A scene is envisioned and then one must give control to the other. In reality, both open themselves to being vulnerable.

Intense emotions often emerge, and each must rely on the other to recognize them, deal with them, and provide aftercare to nurture the raw feelings that come forward. Don’t fool yourselves. Aftercare, is just as important for the Dominant.

Everyone structures relationships according to their needs. So do strictly “play partner” BDSM relationships exist? Absolutely. Does love reside there? Maybe/maybe not. That structure is casual and may not involve deep feelings of love. But Master/slave, Dominant/submissive, Alpha/little, Daddy/babygirl, Mommy/son, etc. relationships that are 24/7 lifestyle relationships often DO involve deep feelings of love and commitment.

So don’t worry that engaging in a BDSM lifestyle means the end to true love. It just might be the beginning of the most loving relationship you have ever been in.

Sex Slave or Slut?

A peacock is a bird of a different color … but still a bird.

During the course of My submissive training, men explore the different types of submissiveness and determine which type best defines their fetish(es). Not surprisingly, about 85% of men say “sex slave” or “slut”.

Both love sex and to serve sexually. So what is the difference between a sex slave and a slut?

Sexual slavery in a BDSM relationship refers to a submissive person consenting to a Dominant person (also called a slave Owner or the Master or Mistress) treating the submissive as their slave, i.e., their property. Sexual slavery in a BDSM context is a sexual fantasy or sexual roleplay. The slave Master or Mistress might be any person or group, though the majority of such relationships are usually either one Dominant, or a committed Dominant couple, owning one or more slaves. A sex slave and the Owner, and others involved in the relationship, can be of any gender, sexual identity, or orientation.

In BDSM, a slave is a specific type of submissive. Not all submissives are slaves, though all slaves would normally be considered submissive in the relationship.

Sexual slavery is a consensual exchange of power by the submissive to the Dominant, though the scope of the surrender may be limited and may be withdrawn at any time.

The types of activities that the sex slave may be expected to perform are usually defined in advance and sometimes spelled out in a slave contract – a document that outlines the desires, limits, and expectations of the parties. The sex slave is often expected to perform sexually, though typically many relationship-oriented dynamics are also clearly negotiated, including clothing, diet, speech restrictions, household affairs and schedules. Typically outlined are clear expectations of whether the couple will be monogamous or polyamorous, and if there would be permission or expectation of sexual interaction with other people. Otherwise, a sex slave may be expected to perform many of the same functions that are expected of a slave/submissive, including wearing very revealing clothes (or none at all), being shared, wearing a slave collar or leash, S&M activities, or bondage.

The duration of the slave relationship may vary from a few minutes, as in a scene, to a lifetime commitment. Depending on T/their contract, a sex slave may be traded by the Master, facilitated by sex club events, personals in BDSM interest magazines or internet-based social networks. Commonly, a slave is also said to be a collared slave, though not every slave wears a physical slave collar. Serious lifestyle enthusiasts register the slave in The Slave Register (www.slaveregister.com).

A slave who has satisfied the duration of the negotiated time of service is expected to be released, unless a new duration of service is negotiated. A slave may at any time withdraw consent to the relationship; effectively nullifying the slave relationship.

Slut is a slang term in the BDSM, polyamorous, and gay and bisexual communities. With BDSM, polyamorous, and non-monogamous people the term has been used as an expression of choice to openly have multiple partners, and revel in that choice: “a slut is a person of any gender who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you.” A slut is a person who has taken control of their sexuality and has sex with whomever they choose, regardless of religious or social pressures or conventions to conform to a straight-laced monogamous lifestyle committed to one partner for life. The term has been “taken back” to express the rejection of the concept that government, society, or religion may judge or control one’s personal liberties, and the right to control one’s own sexuality.

That said, a BDSM slut often enjoys humiliation – a Dominant who taunts the slut with typical societal stereotyping and guilt regarding their sexual openness and promiscuity. Generally, the agreement with a submissive slut is a more casual relationship than the formal slave arrangement, i.e., scene-oriented rather than life-style oriented.

Basically it comes down to push/pull. In essence, the sexual slave likes to be controlled and “forced” to perform sexually (pushed) and the slut likes to be humiliated for their wanton desire for sex (pulled back).

BDSM Submissive Training

Submissive Training

Do you dream of becoming an obedient submissive? I specialize in training submissives and slaves. Classes are limited – and private. Don’t contact a Dominant until you know the basics! Don’t blow your chance to connect with a Dominant perfect for you. By knowing the basics about being a submissive, your potential new Dominant will be well pleased and not insulted by ignorance.

Online Lessons

The Submissive 101 class is available online for a small fee. I have purposely made this introductory information affordable for everyone. My sincere desire is to help you develop your submissive nature and evolve to a more fulfilling lifestyle.

Sessions

Basic training is required first! You’ll learn how to address a Dominant, submissive positions and postures, what type of submissive you are, and how to earn favor from your Superior. Only graduates can earn in person training. Once I see that you are dedicated, persistent, and reliable then you may be eligible for personal training. There is nothing like the crack of a whip to enforce your studies.

Hand-Picked Resources

In the Resources section, you will find recommended books, toys, online education, and social sites supporting BDSM.