Impact Play – Abuse?

Paddles, floggers, whips and canes (oh my!) … when does consent stop and abuse begin? One “rule” in BDSM play is never play when you have been drinking or taking drugs; not only is your judgment impaired, but so are your reflexes and accuracy of aim. Most impact toys have a place on the body to strike that is a “safe zone”; miss that location and you could do permanent bodily harm. No one signs up to have sciatic pain the rest of their lives. Perhaps your Master has not been “partaking” but is in an angry emotional state; again, judgment is impaired and play should immediately stop. Submissives, you have the right to use your Red safe word. Do it, when consent crosses the line into abuse. (Now, I know this is easier said than done, so the best time to address it is in your contract with your Mistress/Master BEFORE play ever begins.) Have fun and be safe.

Do You Identify as an Innocent?

A growing segment of the BDSM community is the realm of ageplay. It ranges from adult baby diaper lovers (ABDL), littles, middles, Mommy/son, to Daddy/daughter. But also in the mix of ageplay are pets … Alpha/cub/kit/colt …

Human ageplay may or may not include a sexual element and it may or may not include a nurturing element. Daddy might be pampering his princess, Son might be dominating His mommy, Mommy might be humiliating Her daughter or lovingly changing her diaper … babies might want non-sexual nurturing, middles might want Mommy to teach Her tween about sex … the combinations are as unique as each of us.

But let’s get back to the pet ageplay. This group seems to adore the playful/innocent space. It seems easier to be a young animal and be very playful and innocent (think of the mischievous sweetness of a little puppy or kitten). A young human is often times looked at as naive rather than innocent. Not so easy for a cuddle bunny to be naive … easier to be innocent.

So if you find yourself wanting to be playful, joyful and light in your spirit … you may be identifying as an innocent. Expressing yourself as an innocent may help your partner to understand your space better.

Mommy/son Ageplay

Probably previously better known was Daddy/babygirl ageplay. But in 2014, Mom, MILF and Stepmom where all in the top 5 most searched porn terms. In 2015, Stepmom jumped to #1 in the US and #3 globally. (source: pornhub – 87 billion porn videos were watched in 2015 – that’s 12 videos for every person on the planet!)

Young men searching for porn videos today have grown up watching porn since their early sexually formative years. What female is around in their daily life to project their sexual fantasies onto? Mom.

With so many young men using porn for masturbation for so long, it can be difficult for them to translate that form of sexual satisfaction to sexual intimacy with a Woman. So who better to teach them about pleasing a Woman? Who is the most trusted Woman in their lives? Mom. Are they going to go to Mom for that – no! But … they can learn from an older Woman who “seems” like Mom.

So, yes! Mommy/son porn is hot right now. Older Women are sexually confident and know what they want and love to teach younger guys. Everyone wins!

Wikipedia:

Ageplay is not considered pedophilia or related to pedophilia by professional psychologists. Individuals who ageplay enjoy portraying children, or enjoy childlike elements typical of children present in adults.

Sexual ageplay itself does not involve the sexual attraction to biologically underage people. Rather, when a consenting adult takes on the roleplaying mindset of a young person, it is motivated by re-experiencing emotional states and social interactions of one’s youth, which also happen to be pleasurable in a sexual context to the participants.

Hard Limits and Soft Limits

Before you have a session with a Domina, take time to write down your hard limits and soft limits. Hard limits are those things that you absolutely never want to do (involve animals, draw blood, permanent body damage, death, etc.) For some men that might include anal penetration or interaction with other men. And know the difference between terms – “edge play” includes things like guns, knives, razors, piercing, body hooks, branding … while “edging” means getting close to orgasm and backing off before cumming. Soft limits are those things that (if you trust your Domina) you would allow Her to do but knowing that they would cause you bodily or emotional distress (perhaps being pegged or humiliated in public). This is probably one of the most important discussions you can have with your Domina prior to a session, so take your time to really think about these things and write them down so they can be discussed and agreed upon.

Where to Get Your Kink On

Most of you are here because you saw Me on FetLife.com or Alt.com. These are My favorite kinky sites. FetLife is like Facebook for kinksters. It is free, but you have to know how to use it in order to get something out of it. They kinda force the use of discussion groups for you to find people you are looking for with the same interests. The first thing to do is conduct a search on your hometown. A page with “tabs” will pop up showing you a list of Kinksters, Groups, Fetishes, Events, and Locations. Choose the Location tab and see a list of all kinksters in your area. Or, of course, check out a group with your interest and find people that way as well.

Alt is well … alt. FetLife is like Disneyland and Alt is like Alcatraz. Get ready for some pretty edgy stuff on Alt (photos included). Thing is … you pay for Alt. There are also a lot of professional Doms on Alt as well as scammers – probably due to the extreme environment. So, buyer beware. 🙂

Either way, they are great places to find kinky adventure!

Is Porn Really Turning Us into Craven Sexless Zombies?

OK … I am just paraphrasing this article for you … and have a few comments of My own, based on My empirical research. I, personally, DO find that young men (18-32) seem (underlined) to have an issue based around porn. FROM MY EXPERIENCE, these young men who grew up watching porn in their sexually formative years (10-17) DO INDEED have trouble connecting intimately with girls. They PREFER to masturbate to porn than to have sexual intercourse with a real person (too much work, physically and emotionally). AND, it is f*cking scary for them to be vulnerable/intimate with another person.

This is an area of work that I specialize in and support young men in overcoming porn addiction and opening up to being intimate with another human being.

However, research (underlined), shows:

• porn actually has far more positive than negative effects
• that it’s only problematic for a minority of users
• studies haven’t found that men who use more porn have more erectile difficulties
• there’s no evidence that greater usage of porn is contributing to more sexual violence

Here’s the full article:

http://www.vice.com/read/the-hard-data-on-what-porn-is-really-doing-to-humanity

What is your view/experience?

Pain, Pain or Pain?

What are the differences between correction, discipline and punishment? Severity. Correction is a nudge to remind the submissive of a small error made or a first time error – not knowing what he didn’t know. Training consists of lots of these. They may come in the form of pleasure denial (orgasm denial – certainly a form of pain for the submissive) or denial of some previously granted privilege (no touching of Mistress for a period of time). The lesson is learned.

Discipline is yet another level. The submissive was given clear instructions and a) didn’t listen, b) didn’t understand, c) ignored the request. In each of these actions there are varying levels of pain given … a slap, a spank, a kick, a whip … a behavior corrected.

Punishment … now that is something this Mistress hopes She never has to administer … because that *really* hurts. This is a level of pain that is NOT pleasurable to ensure that the behavior never happens again. Refusal of Mistress’ request? Oh, boy. you don’t want to go there. Out come the canes … damn.

The worst of all, however, is disrespect. Because once that happens, the submissive is dismissed – forever. Probably the worst pain of all for everyone.

What is an Alpha/little Relationship?

Like much of erotic play and role play, animal role play in an erotic or relational context is entirely defined by the people involved and by their mood and interests at the time of play. It ranges from the simple imitation of panting or the playful nudging of a puppy, or playful behavior of a kitten, to crawling around on all fours and being fed by hand, or petted. (In the Alpha/little instance, its motives are similar to those of age play, i.e. taking on a role that one feels spiritually appropriate or which allows for nurturing, and a change from usual roles in everyday life). The Alpha/little relationship is often canine or feline based and focused on a nurturing/disciplinary Alpha (or Big) and an innocent/naive “little”.

The reasons for playing such an animal can vary as much as the actual physical manifestations and intensity of the play. Some people enjoy being able to “cut loose” into a different, or more dynamic personality (e.g., Were-creatures or Catgirls). In some cases, pet play is seen as a loving, quiet cuddling time where there is no need for verbalizations and the simple act of stroking, rubbing and holding the other partner is satisfying or reassuring in and of itself for those involved. For others, there may be a spiritual side to it; some feel closer to their animal totem.

There is a growing trend in the BDSM scene in animal role play, especially pup/cub and kitten play. Playing the role of a pup or kitten is one of giving over complete control over to another, while the ‘master or handler’ expects only unconditional love and obedience from his/her animal.

While not widespread, erotic human-animal role play is still enjoyed by a sizable number of people within BDSM practice. Though commonly misinterpreted as being associated with furry or other alternative lifestyle activities, that is generally not the case though some instances may exist.

The furry fandom is a subculture interested in fictional anthropomorphic animal characters with human personalities and characteristics. Examples of anthropomorphic attributes include exhibiting human intelligence and facial expressions, the ability to speak, walk on two legs, and wear clothes.

Furry role-playing also takes place in-person, with petting, hugging and “scritching” (light scratching and grooming) common between friends at social gatherings. Fursuits or furry accessories are sometimes used to enhance the furry experience.

So while “pet play” is fairly common in the BSDM community, the Alpha/little relationship is a smaller subset and growing rapidly.

What About Love?

Are BDSM relationships all about Dominance/submission, humiliation and pain? Or can actual love exist in the relationship?

Too often, people envision the D/s relationship as weird, perverted or deviant. But what actions develop the emotion of love? Open and honest communication, trust and vulnerability and the sharing of deep emotions.

Within a BDSM relationship, communication and trust are paramount. Each communicate their needs, wants, and fantasies. Each clarifies what they want based on the other’s questions about it. A scene is envisioned and then one must give control to the other. In reality, both open themselves to being vulnerable.

Intense emotions often emerge, and each must rely on the other to recognize them, deal with them, and provide aftercare to nurture the raw feelings that come forward. Don’t fool yourselves. Aftercare, is just as important for the Dominant.

Everyone structures relationships according to their needs. So do strictly “play partner” BDSM relationships exist? Absolutely. Does love reside there? Maybe/maybe not. That structure is casual and may not involve deep feelings of love. But Master/slave, Dominant/submissive, Alpha/little, Daddy/babygirl, Mommy/son, etc. relationships that are 24/7 lifestyle relationships often DO involve deep feelings of love and commitment.

So don’t worry that engaging in a BDSM lifestyle means the end to true love. It just might be the beginning of the most loving relationship you have ever been in.

The Service to Suffering Scale

Submissives can be found all along the continuum of the service to suffering sliding scale.

It is the Dominant’s responsibility to delicately move you along the scale to help you find your edges and limits.

It is the submissive’s responsibility to explore the scale and discover the heart of your true nature and where it lies.

At one end is the submissive who finds pleasure in giving service; in providing for the Dominant’s every need even before She requires it. These submissives are usually people pleasers and truly enjoy pleasing and bringing pleasure to their Mistress.

At the other end of the scale, is the masochist who enjoys suffering and the pleasure that that brings to a sadistic Mistress. masochists usually have some level of self loathing and often enjoy humiliation*.

On the ego scale, service submissives tend to be very humble and have very little ego. While masochists, again, are on the other end of the scale with a great deal of ego and focus on what they get from the sessions rather than what they give.

This is not a judgment, it is simply what is and what defines different types of submissives and different submissive natures. All submissives, of course, want to be dominated.

So contemplate this. As your Mistress skillfully pushes you up and down the “service to pain” scale until you find that resting place where you feel most comfortable and at home.

*Note: The statement is based on a decade of My personal experience and interaction with male submissives – it may not represent a scientifically researched profile.

Sex Slave or Slut?

A peacock is a bird of a different color … but still a bird.

During the course of My submissive training, men explore the different types of submissiveness and determine which type best defines their fetish(es). Not surprisingly, about 85% of men say “sex slave” or “slut”.

Both love sex and to serve sexually. So what is the difference between a sex slave and a slut?

Sexual slavery in a BDSM relationship refers to a submissive person consenting to a Dominant person (also called a slave Owner or the Master or Mistress) treating the submissive as their slave, i.e., their property. Sexual slavery in a BDSM context is a sexual fantasy or sexual roleplay. The slave Master or Mistress might be any person or group, though the majority of such relationships are usually either one Dominant, or a committed Dominant couple, owning one or more slaves. A sex slave and the Owner, and others involved in the relationship, can be of any gender, sexual identity, or orientation.

In BDSM, a slave is a specific type of submissive. Not all submissives are slaves, though all slaves would normally be considered submissive in the relationship.

Sexual slavery is a consensual exchange of power by the submissive to the Dominant, though the scope of the surrender may be limited and may be withdrawn at any time.

The types of activities that the sex slave may be expected to perform are usually defined in advance and sometimes spelled out in a slave contract – a document that outlines the desires, limits, and expectations of the parties. The sex slave is often expected to perform sexually, though typically many relationship-oriented dynamics are also clearly negotiated, including clothing, diet, speech restrictions, household affairs and schedules. Typically outlined are clear expectations of whether the couple will be monogamous or polyamorous, and if there would be permission or expectation of sexual interaction with other people. Otherwise, a sex slave may be expected to perform many of the same functions that are expected of a slave/submissive, including wearing very revealing clothes (or none at all), being shared, wearing a slave collar or leash, S&M activities, or bondage.

The duration of the slave relationship may vary from a few minutes, as in a scene, to a lifetime commitment. Depending on T/their contract, a sex slave may be traded by the Master, facilitated by sex club events, personals in BDSM interest magazines or internet-based social networks. Commonly, a slave is also said to be a collared slave, though not every slave wears a physical slave collar. Serious lifestyle enthusiasts register the slave in The Slave Register (www.slaveregister.com).

A slave who has satisfied the duration of the negotiated time of service is expected to be released, unless a new duration of service is negotiated. A slave may at any time withdraw consent to the relationship; effectively nullifying the slave relationship.

Slut is a slang term in the BDSM, polyamorous, and gay and bisexual communities. With BDSM, polyamorous, and non-monogamous people the term has been used as an expression of choice to openly have multiple partners, and revel in that choice: “a slut is a person of any gender who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you.” A slut is a person who has taken control of their sexuality and has sex with whomever they choose, regardless of religious or social pressures or conventions to conform to a straight-laced monogamous lifestyle committed to one partner for life. The term has been “taken back” to express the rejection of the concept that government, society, or religion may judge or control one’s personal liberties, and the right to control one’s own sexuality.

That said, a BDSM slut often enjoys humiliation – a Dominant who taunts the slut with typical societal stereotyping and guilt regarding their sexual openness and promiscuity. Generally, the agreement with a submissive slut is a more casual relationship than the formal slave arrangement, i.e., scene-oriented rather than life-style oriented.

Basically it comes down to push/pull. In essence, the sexual slave likes to be controlled and “forced” to perform sexually (pushed) and the slut likes to be humiliated for their wanton desire for sex (pulled back).

What Makes Us Crave BDSM?

Contribute to science and participate in a research study by Angel Daniels, Ph.D., a faculty member at Marymount University, examining how individuals develop an interest in BDSM activities, and to explore their personal histories and experiences. All individuals who are at least 18 years of age, and who have engaged in any BDSM-related activities, are invited to participate in the study. Please read the following information carefully before agreeing to take part in the study.

The purpose of this study is to learn how individuals become involved in BDSM activities, if and how these activities affect them, and if there are any commonalities in their personal histories. The results of the study may be shared at an academic conference and published in an academic journal.

The survey will take approximately 20-30 minutes to complete. You will be asked questions about your sexual history and experiences, relationship history, mental health history and functioning, and any other experiences of non-consensual violence.

There is some risk that you may find some of the questions about your personal, sexual, and mental health history invasive or uncomfortable. If you experience any emotional or psychological discomfort while participating in the survey, you may end your participation at any time. If you feel that you would like to talk to a counselor or therapist about any issues that arise during your participation, a link to locate a mental health specialist will be provided at the end of the survey. The benefits to you are a potential increase in awareness of your own behavior and related emotional experiences that may ultimately facilitate cognizant and healthy choices for yourself. The results of this study will also provide researchers and the psychological community a better understanding of those who engage in BDSM activities and if/how they can be supported by those in the psychology field. There is no compensation for participation.

Your responses will be kept confidential. Neither your email or IP address will be stored. The data will be SSL encrypted and all data is stored in a password protected electronic format. All answers will be presented in aggregate form and no one will know how any individual answered the questions.

Taking part in this study is completely voluntary. You may stop participating at any time by closing the survey window or clicking the “End Participation” button at the top of each page.

Are you ready to contribute to a better understanding of BDSM behavior and motivation?  Click here:

https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/SVEResearchGroup