How Does a Novice Male Submissive Get Started?

Of course, the first thing I would say is to get properly trained in the basics. Don’t waste your time or the Domina’s time with behavior that will not result in a BDSM relationship.

Many male submissives appear to just want an extended teasing/sexual gratification session for themselves. But for most Doms, Male and Female alike, it is a complete turn-off to be told by a prospective submissive that they “really want to serve You,” only to have that offer followed immediately by the grovellingly hopeful statement that the submissive would love to lick and worship Your pussy “if  You so choose.”

This is crude! And the minute you grovel or say something just to satisfy your own humiliation desires or your desire to talk about the things that get you off, you are implicitly forcing the Person you are negotiating with into a position of Domming or Topping you without that person ever agreeing to do so!

(By way of comparison: When female submissives approach male Doms, they don’t start off by saying what they really want is to be forced to suck the Dom’s cock. Even if that’s exactly what they are hoping for!) And walking up to a Woman you’ve never met who is hotly dressed in leather at a party and asking Her if you can lick Her boots is even more crass.

If sexual activity is you want, it is much classier to let the Top/Dom suggest activity involving the genitals rather than leaping in sentence number 2 to what gets you off. It is not wrong to want such things; but Females are so besieged by males whose second sentence is what is going to get them off sexually that you can distinguish yourself greatly by realizing that direct genital stimulation or visibility would be up to
the Top/Dom in any actual scene.

It’s kind of a foregone conclusion that most males, vanilla or BDSM, will not turn down sexual activity from a Female they are attracted to. If you are the rare person who does not hope for direct sexual activity to be part of your play, you will in fact get a lot of points from volunteering that information!

One of the most hotly desired types of male submissives are those who will actually do service, like clean the house, without making it obvious that they are really just tolerating cleaning the house until they can get home and jack off. A male submissive who sincerely enjoys the submission of doing the services the Domina wants is more likely to entice his Mistress into doing something to gratify him, whether that
gratification is in the form of punishment or reward!

You can’t and shouldn’t try to make yourself into this kind of person if that’s not what gets you off. But if it is what you are looking for, you will find partners soon enough. And if you are the more common variety of male who is daydreaming about the sexual part, try to calm down until you get to sentence 20 or so. : ) Or better still, until the Domina asks about it!

Second, many male submissives assume that any Domina they meet is going to be into hearing whatever their particular fetish is, and will want to get right to the point of telling Her what it is – Now. But there is a matching process involved in finding a partner for any relationship, vanilla or BDSM; and that takes time whether you are male or Female.

If you want to find a BDSM relationship, step one is to be respectful, courteous, and educated. Step two is to talk or meet in-person and see if Y/you have a connection; if Y/you get along – have common values and desires.

Slow down, be patient, and remember how long it takes to find a vanilla relationship. It will take even longer in BDSM if only because fewer people do it, and an even a smaller percentage of those who do it are “out” enough to make themselves easily found. And finally, because the matching process is more involved in BDSM, with so many different variants of what people enjoy.

So be yourself, look for connection first, don’t give up for six months or a year or even more. you will have mismatches, disappointments, and failures, but keep trying and something even better will eventually show up. Know that you will learn something of value from everyone you engage with – even if it isn’t a lasting relationship. That’s the way most relationships in your life happen; and BDSM is no
different.